Discovering Something Was Wrong
I have known for years that something was off. I always felt dizzy, experienced vertigo, or just didn’t quite feel right. It was off and on since I can remember. In middle school, I even went to the hospital and an ear specialist because my vertigo and dizziness were so bad. We never thought to do scans.
Fast forward a few years, I was doing well. I was overcoming anxiety and living the dream. I barely ever felt dizzy and rarely experienced an anxiety attack.
I remember the day where I felt that genuine fear and panic for the first time that I hadn’t felt in years. I was sitting in my room eating a cinnamon poptart and drinking chocolate milk in Mt. Carmel, IL at my duplex. My brother, friend, and I had moved there and stayed together to attend Wabash Valley College on a fishing scholarship.
I was sitting there and my body flooded with pure panic and anxiety. I got the sudden urge that I was going to pass out, I was absolutely distraught. No one was at the duplex, and I was 3 and a half hours away from home. I laid on the ground in front of the fan on the phone with my mom for at least 2 hours. Crying and trembling in fear, begging my brother to skip class and come home.
I had made myself physically ill due to the stress I was putting on my body. It was genuinely the most miserable day I’ve ever experienced. My brother finally came home and I had calmed down enough to get in the car. He met my mom about 2 hours away so mom could take me home.
I was so miserable I could barely function for days. I finally started to feel better and was able to go back to school a few weeks later. I was still dizzy and dreaded driving home, but I blamed anxiety.
A few weeks later my brother and I were on Grand Lake, OK practicing for a tourney. I put my head down while we were running because I was cold. When I lifted my head up, the lake was spinning. I genuinely felt like I was upside down. I made my brother take me in, I couldn’t handle the dizziness anymore. It got to the point that I couldn’t fish.
That’s when I knew something was wrong. I sucked it up enough to fish the tourney, but I almost wasn’t able to. I went home later that week and went back to the doctor. I explained my symptoms again: dizziness, vertigo, head tingling/numbness, headaches, and sometimes blurred vision. I was diagnosed with anxiety and sinus issues. I said “okay” and ran with it.
A week or so later I couldn’t take it anymore, so I went back and told them I needed an MRI. I finally got the MRI and they called us almost immediately after. I was half asleep on the couch when I heard the doctor say on the phone “they found a mass” to my mom. My face went pale, my body was hot, and I ran outside to throw up.
My immediate thoughts were not ones you want to be thinking when you’re 20 years old and still have so much life left you want to experience. My family came to see me that day, but I was so out of it I could barely interact. We had no idea how big the tumor was or if it was cancerous or not.
The next day I went in to get a cat scan with contrast. It was confirmed that the tumor was about the size of a golf ball, smashed in my orbital region—running from behind my eye to the front of my ear. It was millimeters away from my brain. The doctor confirmed that it did not look cancerous, but if we would have waited much longer it would have grown into my brain. A tumor that size hitting my brain could have been extremely destructive. I know that God’s timing was perfect, and He saved me from a potential disaster.
After it was confirmed—the size and risky location—the doctor appointments started immediately.
Emotional and Mental Impact of the Diagnosis
When I received my diagnosis I was completely numb. I’m not going to lie, I was completely hopeless. I know I shouldn’t be that way as a Christian, but my mind immediately went to the worst case scenario. The waiting game was absolute torture.
After we saw many specialists and figured which surgery would be best for me, due to the rare location, time moved by so slowly but so fast. I didn’t want to have surgery. I knew there were so many risks. I was absolutely terrified.
I got to the point where I wasn’t comfortable driving, I didn’t work, and could barely fish. I fell into a state of deep sadness and severe anxiety for about 3 months. The whole process was about 6 months, so before I found out I had a tumor I was also so anxious I didn’t enjoy life anymore.
I was having multiple anxiety attacks a day—trembling, crying, couldn’t breathe, thought I was going to pass out, all of those symptoms. It got to the point where I didn’t have the desire to leave my bed anymore. I was going to the hospital because I thought I was having heart attacks. I did not enjoy my life anymore. I wanted to be here, but I didn’t want to endure the mental and physical pain any longer.
So I kind of gave up. I let the devil win. I stayed home and sulked. My family tried so hard to dig me out of the hole, but I was stuck. I was angry. I was so angry. I had already had severe anxiety my entire life, so just doing everyday tasks has always been difficult for me. My worst fear that I obsessed over for years was having a health issue.
God was watching me struggle mentally, and gave me my worst fear. I asked God every day, “why me?” Well, why not me? That’s the conclusion I came to. Why not me. God specifically chose me for this battle. God gave me my worst fear and said “Braci, I got you girl.”
I slowly started to fill that hole in. I still have bad days, and anxiety, but life is getting more enjoyable again. I stopped feeling sorry for myself and started doing something about it. I have to thank my family for a lot of that. They had to show me some tough love, and that’s what helped me get out of the hole I was so deeply in.
I started reaching out to people and seeking the help I needed. My friend/therapist shared this verse with me that changed my entire perspective:
Genesis 50:20 – “You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives.”
I interpreted this as—the devil intended to harm me. He wanted to see me give up and sulk in my sadness. God didn’t choose that path for me. God called me to share my story and help others. So, that’s what I started doing. I started sharing my story and being vulnerable even in my weakest moments.
Let me tell you, everyone has something. Everyone is struggling with their own battle. My favorite verse for this situation is “the enemy thought he had me, but Jesus said, ‘you are mine.’” The enemy almost had me, but Jesus claimed me. He saved me.
I still have so many questions, and I still struggle daily, but handing my fear and anger to God is what helped me persevere. When the devil hands you bad situations, you can sulk, or you can glorify God. Don’t let the devil win.
The Medical Journey
The medical journey has been tough, but as I suspected. I went to many different specialists to schedule a surgery. One said he wanted to go through my temple, another said they wanted to go through my skull, and finally my surgeon who did the procedure confidently said he could go through my eyelid and cut my eye socket out to access the tumor.
I waited a few months, as I said before, to get surgery. Prepping for it was odd, I had to get more scans and spend a day in the hospital getting checkups, another MRI, and another CAT scan. I got a cooler full of a breathing machine, special protein shakes made for surgery patients, and a special soap I had to wash with to kill any germs. I drank my shakes, brushed my teeth 4 times a day, and did my breathing exercises for a week.
The morning of the surgery I got up at 3:30. I had to be there at 5:30 to be prepped. It was a surreal feeling. I woke up and immediately was filled with fear and anxiety. It felt like a bad dream. I took a shower with my special soap and got in the car to head to Methodist hospital in Indy.
We got there and my whole family was there—16 of us. I was obviously a mess, throwing up and crying. Even thinking about it brings the feelings back of complete hopelessness and fear. We sat there for about an hour before the nurse brought me back.
The waiting room was full of people going in for surgery or waiting for a family member. My family gathered and my grandpa Davis prayed over me. I went back to get prepped and genuinely considered bolting. I had it in my mind that I was not getting surgery. Every single bad thought you can possibly think of, I had already played out in my head.
My family came back in pairs to wish me luck. I was in bad shape, I couldn’t even breathe, I was so upset. The neurosurgeon even had to come in and talk me out of the spiral I was going down. I finally calmed down enough to lay back and before I knew it they gave me this special medicine that made me extremely loopy.
All I remember is the surgical room—it was cold and stiff. Then they put a purple oxygen mask on me and I was out.
I was under for 4 hours once all was said and done. I had 2 surgeons in the room with me—a neurosurgeon and an orbital surgeon. Both great guys with so much knowledge. All I remember is waking up to “Braci, wiggle your toes.”
I was in intense pain when I woke up. I just wanted my family. I waited until they were allowed to come back. I was given the good pain meds and was slightly out of it, but was there enough to see my family. I don’t remember all of it, but I do remember how loved I felt. No way I was getting through that without my family.
I was in the recovery room for 8 hours. I was one of the last ones there. Some of the noises I heard and things I saw I will never forget! I was in and out of it all day, which I expected.
My nurses were a few years older than me. If I wasn’t in the state I was in, I really think we could have become great friends. They took great care of me.
I finally got my room for the night. I got settled in and calmed down and they called me down for an MRI. I freaked out. The contrast last time I had gotten an MRI made me sick. I finally was able to convince myself to go into the MRI machine after sitting down there for an hour begging them to let me go back up to my family. Shoutout to that nurse for dealing with my drama.
I got back to my family and settled in for the night. I slept great that night honestly. I was in pain, but I was exhausted. I woke up that morning early to get some more meds.
I had some doctors come in and check me out. I was originally supposed to be in the ICU, but surgery went so well, I was in the unit down from the ICU. My eye was swollen shut and I was pretty miserable, but they decided to release me that day. Somehow I walked down to the car—it was hard but I did!
I got to go home and the healing journey began. For a week my eye was still swollen shut, bad headaches, and blurry vision, along with extreme dizziness. After week 1 my eye started to open up and I started eating more. I had lost some weight and was not in the healthiest state.
Once my eye started opening I started trying to go on walks and be more active. Now, while writing this, on week 3, I am driving again. I am moving around, and my eye is almost completely open. Still not 100%, but I am here.
My hope is to be able to fish this fall, praying I get released! I am more than relieved to be heading uphill now. It has been one heck of a journey.
What Has Helped Me Get Through the Hardest Days
There have been so many things that have helped me get through my hardest days. I will start with Christ. Without His love for me I wouldn’t even be able to reach others and talk to them about my faith. His Word calms my soul. Even just talking to Him as a friend helps me overcome my worst moments.
Secondly, my family. My mom, Kimbi, and my dad, Aaron, have been huge assets to my healing process. They gave me the gentle love I needed, and the tough love I needed as well. They told me things I didn’t want to hear, but needed to hear. They dug me out of the worst season of my life I have ever experienced.
My step mom, Ashley, and step dad, Mike, along with his kids, and pastor, always encouraged me and sent kindness my way. Encouragement and kindness I needed to overcome this obstacle life threw at me.
Next is my siblings, Brody and Avery, my absolute best friends in the entire world. Brody hauled me around, dealt with my anxiety attacks, and stayed patient with me on my worst days. My brother doesn’t get enough recognition for all he had to deal with. I couldn’t possibly ask for a better brother. He got me through some of my worst moments without ever complaining.
Avery, my little sister, she knew something was wrong, but not quite what. She never hesitated to give me hugs, kisses, or try to make me laugh. Avery is so selfless and kind, unless she doesn’t get her way then she may get a little aggressive, haha.
Next up is the rest of my family. My beautiful grandparents, the Ault’s and the Davis’s. They checked up on me constantly, and never hesitated to bring me food, or even come hang out with me—even though they live far away. The rest of my family as well. My Aunt’s who also came to my surgery, along with my uncles. My boyfriend and his mom who showed me great encouragement in this hard time. As well as my cousins, and my other Aunt and Uncle who have supported me and came and seen me as well. Also my step family on both sides, who I am so thankful for!
Third is my church family. A very kind lady, her name is Jamie, put together a prayer service for me, 2 days before surgery. I want to thank and appreciate everyone who came to support me. Their prayers and presence helped me to overcome the demons attacking me spiritually.
Next is my fishing family. To everyone who messaged me or just even came to support me—I could not have done this without your support and love. I have never felt so loved in my life, and that’s what helped me overcome. I think everyone deserves to feel that love. It is a feeling I will never forget.
Also to everyone who supported me financially—surgery isn’t cheap, and neither is recovery! My family and I truly appreciate you so much.
Fourth is those who sent me cards, messages, or just encouraged me in any way. Your kindness doesn’t go unnoticed.
Fifth—fishing and hobbies. I pond fished on the days where I felt good enough to. Any bass made me forget about my situation for a while. I had an escape, which I so desperately needed.
Next was my animals! I would often play with my lizards, dogs, or my mini horse. That tended to take my mind off of the situation for a while too. Or even just watching hunting or fishing videos!
Last but not least are my amazing friends. Bailey, one of my closest friends, never hesitated to come hang out with me on my worst days. I just met Bailey 2 years ago at college, but she has been so great to me. Also my friend Liv, from work, she encouraged me and helped me conquer my worst days as well. My cousin Reese, always making sure I was okay.
Kylie, who supported me at my benefit tournament. Also Campbell, who checked up on me constantly. I can’t forget about Phil from Poorboys Baits as well for always supporting me, and making me a better person. Phil even took his time to make the long drive to come see me and attend my benefit tournament. I am thankful for my sponsors like Phil and J from Poorboy’s Baits and Bass Pro as well for checking up on me.
I have many other friends who reached out and checked on me as well, and for them I am so thankful. I am so fortunate to be shown the love that I have been receiving.
The Benefit Tournament
The idea of the benefit tournament was one that I never expected, but will remember for the rest of my life. There is a local mechanic shop around here, called Rothrock Tires. The owner, Brian Rothrock and his wife, Erica, have taken great care of us for years.
A few days after my diagnosis I finally decided to let the media know. A couple hours later Brian Rothrock and our friend, Kyle Need, were out fishing on Shafer and posted the idea for the benefit tournament. When I first saw it I was obviously very emotional, but I figured it would be about a 20 boat tourney with a few hotdogs maybe after.
As time went on, donations started coming in. So many donations that we had to start an auction as well as a raffle. I was overwhelmed and emotional in the best way possible. The video blew up, it got 24k views. Big names like Carl Jocumsen, Jacob Wheeler, Alex Redwine, and Easton Fothergill started following along with my journey as well. Along with the multiple companies that offered donations.
Brian Rothrock as well as his wife Erica, and our friend Kyle Need organized the entire thing. They kept track of everyone who donated to the raffle, auction, or financially. They got food catered in (Bob Oliver’s—it was amazing), as well as Mor Sweets custom made cookies (so good!). They kept everyone’s entry fees in order, kept all of the items donated in order, made flyers, sold raffle tickets—everything and anything possible.
The morning of the tournament I thought I would be the earliest one there. I was wrong! My dad and I showed up around 4:15. There were already 20 people there setting up. They set up tables for food and raffle items, they organized all of the raffle items, and hung up fancy lights. I was in awe, I couldn’t believe that all of it was for me.
Then all of the people started pulling in. We ended up with almost 50 boats and 200+ people showed up to come support me that day. People even drove long ways to come to the weigh-in. It was the most loved and supported I have ever felt in my entire life.
I can’t say thank you enough to the Rothrocks and Kyle for putting this together for me. I hope you guys are reading this, and I hope you know that what you did for me is something that has changed my life. It made me so much stronger and so very thankful for the amazing community I have around me.
Meaningful Moments from the Event
Some of the most meaningful moments—well gosh, there are so many!
I will start in the morning. The takeoff was absolutely beautiful. I got to see and meet so many new people, and people that I have missed so much. The sunrise was one of the most beautiful that I’ve ever seen—thank you Jesus!
After the boats took off my friend Russ, who drove pretty far to come support me, allowed me to FaceTime Jacob Wheeler! That was pretty legit. I appreciate both of them taking time out of their busy schedules to support me.
Later on in the day our friend Dirk Ryan took a few of us out to go see a sign our good friends the Schroeder’s hung up on the dock for me. It was a huge sign that said “Reeling in Healing.” I was trying so hard to not get emotional all day, but that did me in!
We came back in and started preparing for weigh-in. People started showing up, more than I could have ever imagined. All of these people for me!
One specific story hit me hard. I was stopped by a gentleman who said he knew what I was going through. He was so kind and so open about his struggles. He stated that he had battled with tumors in his head that turned into cancer. He fought for his life and said he almost lost it.
He told me he hadn’t been out of the house in months because he wasn’t feeling well, but he was brave enough to conquer the heat that day for me.
Now here is the crazy part—Bud Smart, a great friend of ours, built a very high quality, beautiful rod to raffle off. Thousands of tickets were sold. They allowed me to pull out the ticket. Guess whose name I drew out? Yep. The gentleman who had won his battle with cancer and was brave enough to come support me that day.
As if I wasn’t already emotional enough, Bud surprised me with a custom rod he built me. Him and my dad secretly worked on it together for me. It was my favorite color, blue, it has a cross on it, a fish with a cross inside, and my favorite verse written out on the handle:
Colossians 3:2 – “Set your mind on things above, not on earthly things.”
It’s by far the most beautiful rod I own.
After that, the rest of the raffles started going. Everyone went home with something, even if you didn’t get a raffle item, you got a goodie bag and some dang good food as well!
Then as prizes started getting handed out for the winners, almost every single paycheck was given back to me. I insisted they keep it, but they were adamant about it.
Someone even made shirts for me that said “fish for Braci,” and their whole family wore them.
As the whole day winded down I was sad. Reality set back in. Thank you for giving me a day full of hope and kindness. It was exactly what I needed.
The Impact of the Fishing Community
The community has done more than I could have ever imagined—supporting me financially and emotionally. Financially we raised more money than I ever thought was possible.
But the emotional support is what means the most to me. The hundreds of people that reached out from all over the world surprised me the most. People introducing themselves and sharing their health journeys helped me realize I wasn’t alone in this battle.
To everyone that came and saw me during my ugliest times—you are truly selfless people and I love you.
Galatians 6:2 states that we should carry each other’s burdens—my supporters helped me carry mine, making it so much lighter. I experienced love and support I will never forget, and for that I am so thankful.
What the Fishing Community Means to Me Now
The fishing community meant so much to me before, but now I feel like I personally know everyone. I met so many people, and learned so much about them as well. Not even just in Indiana—people from multiple states, college and high school circuits, B.A.S.S elites, MLF fishermen/women—so many.
I realized that the fishing community is full of selfless, genuine people. Although this tumor hasn’t been enjoyable, I’m thankful it gave me the connections God knew I needed.
We are all just trying to catch a bass. We all love this sport and God’s beautiful creations He allows us to fish in. I’m so thankful that I had and have my community to lean on.
Looking Ahead
As I continue to heal, I’m looking forward to just feeling normal again. At first I was sad that I couldn’t fish, but then reality hit. I missed doing normal everyday things.
I’ve always heard people say “don’t take this life for granted.” I never thought anything about it—until I did. Now my whole perspective has changed.
Although I still struggle with negativity, everyday is beautiful. It’s beautiful to be alive and healthy. Please don’t take your health for granted.
I’m truly so excited to be getting back to my life. I struggled mentally before the tumor. It sounds weird, but the tumor is helping me heal mentally too. I really think God saved me from myself.
I’m absolutely thrilled to be able to fish again—but honestly, I think I’m more thrilled just to be able to live again.
A Message to Others
My message to those struggling mentally or physically is—do not let the devil win. The devil will make you think you are weak. The devil will make you think you are alone.
God doesn’t create evil—the devil does. The devil tried to destroy me with the tumor, but God had better plans for me. God took something evil and He made it beautiful.
It’s okay to have bad days. It’s okay to have weak moments. Take that anger and sadness to God.
Always remember that you are so much stronger than you think you are. You will have moments where you want to give up, I know I did. But always remember—do not let the devil win.
